| Friday, April 08, 2011 |
| walks home |
Went to help out at school with much apprehension this afternoon. i didn't leave on a very good note 2 weeks ago, when the kids were terribly naughty and rebellious and i felt so horrible policing them, disciplining, frightening them. I felt I was so mean and evil as I walked out of school, and I felt like the whole environment puts both teachers and students under tremendous stress, physically, mentally and emotionally. And even with that price to pay, I couldn't do justice for any one of the many, many children, to give them my sincere care and undivided time.
But kids are so precious in that they still have such a simple and innocent attitude towards each other and even towards teachers who have scolded them. What breeds all the hatred and angst 'grown-ups' have? Weren't we all children once?
As I stepped into class, they were following along a music video that was playing, featuring a family and a community of penguins. They were so amused and they chuckled so lovably at all the funny scenes that I think I could watch them laugh forever. Each of the lil faces were so different. Some were dead-serious, trying to sing along, as they trip over the words, and pick themselves up, and trip over again. Some were just singing wholeheartedly, in their own definitions of pitch-perfectness. Some were just dreaming and not present mentally. They make so much noise but they're so tiny..they've got such small builds, simple minds that have no room for grudges, small hearts big enough to discover new likes and dislikes everyday.
They watched a video on how a man played the piano with his toes because he had lost his arms in an accident when he was about their age. After the lesson, the teacher asked something along the lines of 'So..what must we have?'. Somewhere, someone said 'arms!'.
City kids. Ernest told me he wouldnt be coming to school tomorrow, and that he is very busy on Saturdays. One of his many commitments include going for 'spine therapy'. The way he said therapy made me laugh. Apparently he has to get therapy because his dad wants him to 'sit straight'. Simon was terribly rowdy and discourteous today. Before playtime, I took him aside and asked him to give me 2 improvements he could work on, given his behavior for the day. As playtime was at stake, he gave me a most earnest answer of 'kindness and patience'. I was so amused because I knew he didn't really get my question and he doesn't know what he's saying either. But my, this boy has been paying attention during assembly time and he's able to throw out some model answers! Conversation continued.
And their compositions are adorable. "Tim wondered what a thief would be doing at his house". Hm. Tough question.
I like how they're teachable at their age, and how I manage to push them a lil to do more than what they think they can do. And many of these kids...I don't think many people believe in them. "You think I'm clever?! How can I remember this!" And when I told him I really think he is clever, I caught that split-second expression before he tried to laugh it off. And after many times of practice and corrections, when he got all the chinese correct, he couldn't believe it. That rascal laughed in such a gentle way it made me raise an eyebrow.
I turned the last encounter over and over in my mind as I walked home, wondering how it parallels some things in life.
This boy came to me trying to bargain about home work and play time. He knew what he wanted and he was ready for negotiation, to wait it out, for a little. He tried to take short-cuts and it was another 'game' of trying to outwit and outlast him, in gentleness and love. When he finally came back to me, he showed me his completed work. It looked fine.
But when I flipped a page before, I realised he was lying. He did the first and last bits but the middle parts were just not there. We eventually settled it patiently and calmly, not accusingly.
With pages, I could flip through them and verify things for myself. But should I be afraid to know that there may be things about people that will be successfully hidden from me, even if I could do with knowing it?
With math questions, the stakes are low. It's just whether playtime is 'now' or 15mins later. Are there things that I want to know about, but perhaps, should not know because it's better not to? Or is the most recent page what matters. And as long as we go on fine from here, we keep things simple and calm. I have a tendency to discover things and make links. And sometimes I wish I'll not chance upon what I'm not supposed to know. Because knowing and not knowing is that different. |
posted by kmli @ 7:41 PM  |
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